Home » When Acceptance is Unacceptable, Ask Hard Questions

When Acceptance is Unacceptable, Ask Hard Questions

 Written February 2013 after some disturbing news

I can see why people fear single mothers. They ought to! We are intrinsically motivated, problem solvers, and through experience in raising children, can often tell who’s honest and who’s just pretending.  Some of this, you can’t drive or beat out of us; it isn’t going away.  Why even try?

In the USA, today, and through professional passivity and family jealousy, greed, arrogance, and (let’s just call it what it is: misogyny) — single mothers are liable to become an official threatened species, and society far the worse for it (although probably a lot easier to manage).  However, some of us were single because specific marriages were simply too dangerous.  We weren’t a socially targeted for scapegoating group while married and being assaulted at home.  But when we said “enough of that,” somehow it’s “game’s on!” for certain people — and certain public policies.

Some of us mothers, whether married or single, ARE the disruptive innovation, the disruptive technology that will upend some of the trillion-dollar, debt-war-profiling-based social services economy.  I believe we could easily eat “fatherhood.gov for dinner, some of the VAWA-based domestic violence prevention industry for a side dish, and, if that’s not fully satisfying, consider whether to deal with certain religious ideologies  for dessert.

I could be wrong, but I believe in calling things what they are, and what’s more, finding out who’s sponsoring them, then making an informed decision whether or not to subscribe.  Incidentally, public funds support those last three links, so I hope there’s no protest if we choose NOT to endorse selling myths to Americans at their own expense.  Especially when Myth #1 inherently contradicts Myth#2, I think it may take a squadron of competent and confident women, including mothers,  to sort out who’s telling the truth and what it’s all about anyhow. 

[this segment added April 2014]

 

Heart of Fire, Brain of Ice
I am WGPfann’s and Mary L. Pfann’s daughter, genetically, and legally.

Contrary to opinion and appearances, I am also the mother of two daughters, M. K. and A. L. Englund,* who lived with me until they were just 13 and almost 15 years old, first half — witnessing domestic violence in the home, second half– not much respite.   Genetically, and whether it’s genetic, environmental, or spiritual, and recent outrages have prompted this blog. Because I cannot fit it on a signature line, let’s put it in one place.

*2014 update, going public with the family situation.  Typically one uses initials when children are minors.  I did not need to here, but after speaking with one of these young women, decide not to use names; our family situation overall is still volatile.  On the other hand — all abuse depends on not being exposed — and someone has to start it, sometime.  

Batterers do NOT make good parents, before, during, or after.  NOR, it turns out, do people who back them in court.  In this case, that includes one non-relative and, vehemently so, my own sister and brother in law, who, never having had or spent much time around children, were naturally (or so I was told) the experts in everything I was doing wrong with mine particularly believing I was competent, the father had been violent.  The entire discussion was based on attempting to force falsehoods into a framework as if true, and then set policy accordingly.  I later learned this was a tactic (technique) used in the takeovers of countries, not just families.  Anyhow... //End 2014 update.

Anyone I email is going to know how outrageous this situation, particularly as to this family line, really is — and what it symbolizes for our country. I may talk about or show, PTSD, which is simply shell-shock. Any war vet knows about this. Well, in marriage and out of marriage, mothers are now forced to deal with such shell-shock, just as vets returning home from Viet Nam were faced with cultural rejection of their participation in the war.

I can prove otherwise, and as you will see, I am still my father’s daughter. I have been in shock for four days, but am also outraged, over this news:

Friday eve 2/15/2013, unverified hearsay from a father who has been evicted from M. and A’s lives (or simply abandoned them by premeditated arrangement early to mid-2008?) tells me that while one of my two daughters is about to graduate from a well-known university as a molecular cell biologist with an interest in genetic research (typically academic for our family line), the other allegedly attempted to commit suicide “about a month ago” and was possibly institutionalized and thereafter moved — or possibly not.  He didn’t seem inclined to find out, couldn’t name a “when” (typical!) and apparently this was somehow supposed to reunite me with him (no matter that I separated in fall 1999 with a domestic violence restraining order for kickout, which is to say, “No!” still means “No!”).

This same daughter (no less intelligent or able that the molecular cell biologist with probably a stellar future in genetics) has innately — perhaps genetically– taken after certain qualities of WGPfann, her grandfather, and me, her mother, which qualities, while they may be really irritating to bullies, again, that’s just too damn bad.

 

Please feel free to ask the same questions of your neighbors, co-workers, and if applicable, religious leaders, if you can get a logical and sane answer, I’m all ears. I fresh out of ideas for how to put a leash on people who believe others deserve to have a leash put on them, particularly for qualities which may be simply a matter of genetics, or spirituality or both — and who apparently feel free to do so simply whenever this ends up in a not-submissive-enoughunattached female, and society allows it.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Society will continue allowing this human sacrifice and waste — through its innate hatred of unattached women (of any age, and by both men and women) — until it develops a collective truth filter; it can tell truth from falsehood, and documentation from rationalization.

To get to that truth, society cannot silence our voices. Attempting to do so by re-writing what we say (or who we are) into psycho-socio-denial, won’t work.  

At some point, it’s your conscience that needs a software update, not our voices that need to be edited, or silenced, or even re-interpreted.

Some people are born whether it’s inborn, innate, a calling, or simply timing — their times really do need what they have to do and say, and they head straight for doing and saying it.  And those people might be men, or they might be women.  As many men and women also become parents, they also might be  mothers, or they might be fathers.

 

Environment or Genetics
Or do Spiritual matters (pure hate, pure love) actually exist?

A Ph.D. research geneticist I met recently (hey, I like good conversations) recently asserts that there really is astounding genetic variety, even among grass:  same seed, same stock, same soil, same nurture.

Consider — what if a penchant for creative problem-solving and conceptual thinking really is even partly genetic, AND it happens to land in a daughter, not a a son? Whether as a quirk of egg and sperm (timing, contraception, hormones, chemistry, yada, yada), the caprice of Fate (or a God with a wicked sense of humor, knowing full well which gender prevails in religions named after, should I say, “Him”?), suppose this innately creatively-thinking problem solving and intrinsically motivated genetic content lands not only in a baby girl, but also into a culture like ours, 2013 USA — OR family line, like mine — which values men more than women?

Should this inherent (genetic) tendency be punished to conform to the culture (or extinguished), lest it change the dominant culture (i.e., Culture over human life)?  And, in any culture, or family line, which would even attempt to do that, what does this say about that culture, or family line?

Why I ask:

I am this father’s daughter (#3 of 3), A. L. Englund is my daughter (#2 of 2), and appears to share characteristics.
(Cooper Union Photo,  WGP gets some award)

Zone Refining” (1967? 9pp) My father, who discovered this, and writes about this…

“Simple technique … of profound value in technologies which call for materials of extremely high purity.”

His discovery resulted in impurities of less than one atom of impurity in 10 billion atoms of germanium, or a grain of salt in a freight car of sugar. How he came to discover:

… “in the 15 years since my original paper on the subject was published, I have been asked over and over again, how could such a simple idea have been missed for decades?  How did you think of it?” . . .” “This simple procedure, ..zone leveling, did not strike me as particularly remarkable. I assumed that such a simple idea must be common knowledge.   Also about that time, Bell Laboratories…”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Creative thinkers, like this, are typically engaged in problem solving, which they enjoy, and do best given some freedom to do this.

But suppose a mindset such as WGP’s has some genetic component, but lands in a baby girl? Should misogyny prevail over ability?  And if this reflects the larger girl, how is that baby girl — or adolescent — or young woman — going to live, and thrive?

My Privilege and Problem, and Society’s:
WGPfann really was my father, I conversed and argued plenty with him growing up, particularly after I hit adolescence, as those things go. Prior to then, I witnessed him arguing repeatedly with my math teachers (in the margins of my homework, or textbooks). He died suddenly, in fact mysteriously from my point of view, on retirement from Bell Labs, 10/1982; never really lived to see the internet age he helped create and (above) credited his boss at Bell Labs for trusting him to spend half his time in research of his own choosing.  Obviously it’d be relevant to the overall purposes of the Lab. Decades later (and after his death) as a mother of two individuals (female), I noticed early on they were — guess what — hardly identical, as I am not identical to my own sisters, nor have we chosen identical lifestyles.  Was that nature, or nurture?

Bell Labs/ Information Age:  My father with many others dedicated his work and intellectual life to providing technology which was used then to better communicate and conduct warfare, and now skillfully categorizes and labels people,  starting with the usual labels:  gender, race, marital status, and of course class.  These typically define who gets to be on top, and who gets to serve those on top.  While those on the middle and bottom fight each other for what’s left of the cream of society, and who’s more righteous than the other, those running the place actually have the leverage to do so, and enough control of media to make sure bread and circuses distract enough while

The leverage of this technology can now transfer wealth, real estate, and children swiftly from one person to another without regard to the slower process of law, and messy procedures like, due process, or legal bases for the transfer.   Deliberately withholding access to this technology, and to good databases, to designated populations (by profile) helps train those populations to “obedience” to their designated place in life.  Cf. recently, prosecuting Aaron Swartz, Justor and MIT downloads.

Technology is always faster (if not collectively wiser) than people; whoever controls it can control the world.

How? Control a person’s, or class of people’s, ability to support themselves (control the individual “economy,” i.e., sources of income), and  what’s right or legal is a moot point.  Misogyny which requires propaganda, which technology helps disseminate, always trumps ability when lies spread faster than truth. I have been dealing for decades, knowing the value of pure materials — and the process of logic and reasoning — with the other side of my family line which (genetically? environmentally? Spiritually?) cannot produce ONE grain of truth in a freight load of allegations delivered in and out of court, and by rumor, about me, and been doing this for over ten years, specifically when I was under the protection of a restraining order from M. and A’s father, but alas, it was not served upon my family, who had skillfully (for almost a year), concealed their misogyny in general, and personal hatred of me, and pretty much anything I did, including prosper as a single mother and a musician almost immediately after the violence was evicted from that household, and I moved into a fresh one in a fresh neighborhood where already had music business.

 

http://ncadv.org/files/ecomonicabuse.pdf.   (Note:  My quoting NCADV is not an endorsement of the sliding-scale membership nonprofit which sits atop statewide coalitions of DV organizations that US Taxpayers are supporting, including supporting their NONreporting of what institutions enabled sociopaths to get control of young children or any other vulnerable individuals, for profit.  To wit, the family and conciliation court systems.

 

Politically:

Help Stop this Waste: Vote AGAINST the marriage/fatherhood funding in next reauthorization of the Social Security budget (March 2013), and with me, a survivor of severe domestic violence, AGAINST VAWA.

Both are simply diverting federal money from the profits of governance (including income tax revenues)  to providers of software, curricula, and infrastructure to “technical assistance and training,” making it counter-intuitive to dismantle these businesses and instead actually help women, like me, get away from their “handlers” and men who have threatened to kill them, or who kidnap children they neither love, nor even want, in order to get out of child support payments, or to get even with that bitch that left them.   Even if leaving was to stay alive, or keep children alive.

Real men don’t need federally-funded dog-trainers, and real women in power shouldn’t be trafficking in others’ danger or misery for the sake of their own piece of the pie (or private pyramid scheme using public funds).

And, assuming there IS a real God, why would such a God need a helping hand from US Presidents George W. Bush (or Obama) courtesy directing grants to “faith-based organizations” (which in translation means, what, really?) to better preach at low-income (or court-connected) parents about fatherhood, and other such things..

Nor, in my opinion, would such a God need let alone tax-exempt status and a whole lot of real estate, in addition to tithes, offerings, and hordes of willing volunteers, to handicap “the competition” …. groups who don’t have (or even feel the need or want) such things — in order to attract devout followers.   In other words, what kind of omnipotent, omniscient Creator whose previous prophets wrote, for example, “heaven is my home and the earth is my footstool” (Isaiah 66 quoted in Acts 7) or “the earth is the Lord’s and the fullness thereof” (Psalm 24)… really need help from ALL American taxpayers funneled to His causes by way of an American President, George W. Bush, whose very election was challenged as to its legitimacy, among other things.

Does God really need friends like George W. Bush to raise Armies of Compassion to attack “Need”?   I mean even let’s talk language —  judging by the eloquence of some of the sacred texts of many religions, including the Bible, HOW could any religious sentiment, or spiritual source of ideas, have produced the verbiage “faith-based organization?”  Have you ever seen one?  Does the federal grants “CFDA” (Category of Federal Domestic Assistance) system even have a corporate category “faith-based”* ??  Wake up!

*No, it does not, but you’re welcome to go try and find it anyhow…. there are 2,232 categories mentioned here.

 

 

ANYHOW,

As a controlling, and exploitative cult, Sscientology has nothing on this family line. I am going public at this point in both outrage, and concern.

Honest and ethical people may not wish to believe that this type of mentality exists — or that if it does, business is business, and that’s not my business, it’s someone else’s job to contain it, I feel must start to understand that this “numbed into non- reporting” “leave it to the professionals” mentality is part of the issue. As a former professional who had the same mentality — seek professional (legal) help, while I can empathize with the wish to retreat into denial, and blame it on misunderstanding (lack of communication skills), I have to say — perspective differs depending on whose life is at stake.  What’s at stake?

If it’s someone else’s life, chidlren, or future (or all three), then how accurate do you have to be?

But make that YOUR life (right now, imminent) or your children (right now, imminent) or YOUR future (starting from here on out and with no easy exit if you go down the wrong path) and let’s see how casual the desire to get a little more accurate in one’s assessments (and faster) suddenly becomes…

. . . .

February 2013.  I can no longer take the brunt of my own family’s extortion, double-dealings and unbelievable cruelty. And unlike their Dad, I WILL not abandon my younger daughter to further mistreatment and possible takedown by a NONrelative after my own family basically gave them to this woman in an effort to gain control of my kids, and my portion of the Pfann inheritance.


4 Comments

  1. I have since run across DOJ audits (2010, 2012) which definitely allege that out of $16 million of funds to 16 different grantees, approximatley $4 of costs were questionable or unsupported. Among those grants was a particular one (which came up twice) given to coach both fathers and mothers into submitting to and prospering under Supervised Visitation, which is an invented field for the profit and convenience of the family court affiliated crowd. When the DOJ/OIG confronted the group from OVW grant that had misbehaved before 2010 audit, the same group simply got a new name, jumped sectors (from NDAA — an nonprofit in Virginia — to PCAR — a nnonprofit in Pennsylvania) and changed its project name from APRI (American Prosecutors Research Institute) to “Aequitas.” I found this while researching a nonprofit set up to promote and train (the money appears to be made initially in the training, as a sort of “entrance fee” to the trade) supervised visitation providers. The annual conference of this organization is going to be in Toronto this year, Regional in Denver. The organization WAS Tennessee, then jumped to Florida after the state of Tennessee (best I can tell) got on it for not — ever — filing an annual report as required to by law (which can be seen on the Tennessee Corporations search website). The results of this squandered (or at least mishandled) DOJ grant show up on an organization based primarily in San Francisco (and it’s a large one, multi-million-dollar; primarily through HHS grants, but not only); and another formerly reading “MNCAVA” Minnesota in other words. The publication for “mothers” being posted as a PDF was found on a group in Idaho who, I saw, has a legal director being paid $104,000 to advise (Idaho Coalition against Sexual and Domestic Violence, I think). This goes on and on, and on — but doesn’t seem to trickle down to the actual people needing that help (not just “technical” help by expert proclamation).

    My life — and my kids’ — has continued to develop in their various directions (one apparently ran away, the other stuck home nad by obediently submitting to people who helped ehr leave BOTH parents and the public in debt, managed to get through college. Selling out three generations of her own family line (Sister, mother, Grandmother) were entailed in recdeiving this privilege — which is indebtedness for her own college education to the wrong people. Thus goes the “intergenerational transmission of domestic violence” by refusing to innocculate onesself against it with the truth (and an attitude which wants to obey the law).

    I’m tired and as this blog’s author will probalby come back and delete the comment.

  2. […] When Acceptance is Unacceptable, Ask Hard Questions […]

  3. […] details available at “When Acceptance is Unacceptable, Ask Hard Questions, (Why Both My Daughters Deserved Better from Their Married Aunts.”  I started that blog […]

  4. […] “When Acceptance is Unacceptable, Ask Hard Questions” (home […]

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